THE LOW-DOWN ON THE TOWN Impudent, uncensored account By C. Castle

"Excuse us, I need to discus something," the high-ranking official told the constituent and ushered the reporter into the room.

This must be an issue of great import, thought the reporter, as the official shut the door. They settled beside a cabinet by the desk, and the official looked at the reporter.

"Who do you think wrote it?"

"What?"

"'The Dirt?'"

Given the buzz generated by the anonymous four-page newsletter - which blasted everyone from school district officials to parents, from SMRR to the homeless --, the question wasn't surprising, but it seemed trivial and it caught the reporter off guard.

The previous day's Confidential had broken the story about the newsletter and had run denials by two of the activists rumored to have written the mysterious document titled: "The Dirt -- A newsletter (February, 2000) #2." (No one recalls having seen a #1, and no copy has turned up.)

"I don't know Petz, and I don't think Allord wrote it," the official said.

"So who do you think it was?" the reporter asked, knowing the official had an answer.

"I think it was Bob and Jean Ann."

The handiwork of the Holbrooks was written on every page, the official explained. There was the long section on the schools. (Councilman Robert Holbrook, a former school board member, is an outspoken critic of the current SMRR-backed board.)

There also is the section dedicated to the homeless, the official pointed out. (Six years ago, Councilman Holbrook had led the campaign on the council to crack down on the city's homeless population.) There was so much funding detail in the item, the official noted, that it must have been written by someone who had studied the issue.

Then, the official added, there was the item on Solar Web. (Jean Ann Holbrook had made it a crusade to stop the large beach sculpture, attending countless meetings and poring through documents few bothered to read.) The item, the official noted, had the fingerprints of an insider all over it.

But perhaps most telling of all was the item attacking "Our Times" and its list of the city's most influential people. (The councilman and former mayor, who did not appear on the list, was so angered by its many oversights, he pulled his long-time subscription to the "Los Angeles Times.")

The reporter listened and pondered on the theory.

"Well, if the Holbrook's had written it," the reporter said, "then Jean Sedillos would have proof read it, and she'd have caught all the typos. She's got eagle eyes."

The high-ranking official smiled. He already had thought of an answer to the typos and grammatical errors that riddled the newsletter.

"Unless," the official said, "they wanted to plant the errors."

The following day, during a conversation with another high-ranking city official (though not as high as the previous one), the reporter asked about the typo conspiracy.

"Yeah, I think they'd put them there on purpose," the official responded.

Was it possible that this theory was widespread among the city's higher ranks? the reporter thought.

That night at a banquet, the reporter spotted Jean Ann chatting with the second in command of a large non-profit who had not seen the newsletter. The reporter fetched the well-worn copy from his bag and returned to the table.

The second in command browsed through "The Dirt."

"Can I keep it?"

"It's my only copy. I can fax it to you," the reporter offered.

The second in command whipped out a business card.

Jean Ann had been watching the interaction.

"What is it?" she asked.

"The Dirt," the reporter said and showed her the newsletter.

"Can I get a copy too," Jean Ann said and wrote her number on the second in command's business card.

Councilman Holbrook looked at the newsletter over his wife's shoulder.

"Some high-ranking officials think you wrote it," the reporter said.

The Councilman laughed at the notion. So did Jean Ann.

That night, after the banquet, the reporter ran into another high-ranking official (this one not quite as high-ranking as the other two.)

"I know who wrote 'The Dirt," the official boasted.

"I know," the reporter said. "You think Bob and Jean Ann wrote it."

"Yep," the high-ranking official said.

"But can you prove it?" the reporter said. "If you can, 'The Lookout' will buy you a free meal at one of Pico's two exclusive German restaurants."

"Well, I don't have physical evidence," the official said, and rattled off all the official reasons - the schools, the homeless, Solar Web, "Our Times."

"I just asked Bob and Jean Ann, and they both denied it," the reporter said. "Jean Ann seemed surprised and asked for a copy."

"She's a consummate actor," the official said.

"But how 'bout the typos?' the reporter protested. "The Holbrook's wouldn't make those mistakes, and if they did, Jean Sedillos would catch them."

"It's part of the disinformation campaign," the official said and changed the subject.

Those with information leading to the identity of "The Dirt's" author (or authors) can email us at mail@surfsantamonica.com. Please address the tip to Dig the Dirt. We'll keep you posted on the results of our investigation. We'll also cover the dinner with the winner in more ways than one.